I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
