I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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