You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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