It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
