im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
