i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have aggressive nipples.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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