I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
