And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
