i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
