I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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