She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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