somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
