Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
