Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize