Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
