So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
