for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dicks are not precious.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
