MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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