kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have fence marks all over my body
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
