So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
