So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
