He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
