does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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