There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize