Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
