So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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