he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
