ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
