call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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