it hurts more in the daytime
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
