yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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