I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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