I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
