hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
