I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
