Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think my moral compass just broke
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
