i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
