Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
