he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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