I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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