just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
