Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
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I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
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Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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