there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize