Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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