so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
