we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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