Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
