if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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