Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
