She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize