Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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