I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
