i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
