Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
