Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
