alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
