This girl is more easily done than said...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
thus making me awesome and them whores
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
