I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
