btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
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HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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