Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
