The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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