the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
