Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
