My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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