You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm just crazy horny about you
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
